March 2, 2017
I was led astray to a life of sin and tempted by the evil forces of the enemy. A lost sheep, I wandered aimlessly through the void of longings and thirst. One desolate winter morning, snow enveloping my beard and liquor enveloping my mind, I felt that I would breathe my last breaths on this scorched earth. A petty 32 year old that scorned cruel fate, I collapsed into the front doorstep of 1825 Market Street San Francisco, dropping my Jack Daniels in a ragged fit of drunken anguish. The shards of glass puncturing my fragile bones, I looked back to my days on Wall Street, seeing that a life of gold was nothing more than gilded foil. Now that foil was being dyed with red and dissipating into the abyss. "This light isn't your end, young one. It is renewal" a voice called out to me as I felt my pitiful life force being sucked away by the lingering booze. "No I have nothing left. Take me now, demons, before the worldly substances you have unleashed steal your prey!" I cried out in desperation as a combination of frost and dirt fell from my beard. A man dressed in spandex from head to toe opened the door, "Don't Stop the Music" by Rihanna blaring in the background. He had his servant fetch a pitcher of water and a loaf of freshly baked bread. "Yo welcome, child. We have been expecting you" he said in a full and deep voice that could serenade legions of wildebeest in the Sahara. I thought the snow on my head had melted into water, but in reality tears were streaming down my forlorn face. Since that fateful day, I was brought back into the saving light of Jesus Christ and HIIT Cardio.
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